I've got a chill

I've got a chill. That makes me feel weird...
I'm trying to express my feelings and my thoughts in English
'Cause I find it's difficult to say those things in Vietnamese...
I've been paralyzed...
I don't know why but sometimes I feel like I'm drowning...
When on a bike, you have to ride continously so you don't fall out. So you don't get hurt. It's the same when you're living a life. It's tiring. It's adventuring... It's can be anything that depends on you...
I'm losing something. That thing is not really important to me but it makes me important.
I've never known my limit because I always give up in the middle. I've never make it through. I hate when people think that they understand me. That's annoyed. I also hate when I'm too depended.
Eventually, I am a coward.
Living a normal life makes me feel safe. I don't need any drama in my life. I don't need to be special.
I'm not saying that I'm special. What I'm trying to say is that They think that I can do something I don't want to do. Oh I don't know what I really want to do.
Once I've tried to do different things. It didn't work. Or maybe I did it wrong.
Lately I've been lazier. I mean, I'm always lazy but recently I've been more delayed. My brain doesn't listen to my heart. They are both tired but in different ways.
I'm in the box instead of being out of the box...
I hesitate. I deny my abilities. I delete my hopes. I erase my needs. I can't laugh or cry naturally. I think I'm lost.
They say: "Don't want to be anyone. Be the one you want"
I don't know if I write it right or wrong, but if you understand, you'll see it.
The one you want to be? I don't have one. I don't know if I can find one.
I don't like people post everything on their social website. They update their life on internet everyday. I hate that. I think I know what they feel, the need of sharing. But I still feel ackward about telling the whole world what's going on in your life. I'm doing this right now. There are some differences but not too many.
I hate being between two lines. I'm always between two lines.
I hate myself being so confused. I'm always get confused.
I love being free. I'm always being in the cell that I made.
I love being careless. I'm always afraid of getting imbalanced.
Oh I think too much. That's my problem.
That's my human. The part of me that I can't change.
It's hurtful sometime but on the whole, I love the conflict.
...
I guess I'm done...
...
Oh, and I've got a chill everytime I hear this song
The Hanging tree